想清楚这二十个问题再考虑结婚吧（双语）

　　即将步入婚姻殿堂的年轻人，有必要静下来好好思考下这二十个问题，如果都想清楚了，那么这段婚姻将顺风顺水;如果还有疑虑，那么请三思而后行。

　　You must have these internal conversations before walking down the aisle.Maybe you’ve been together a while and are considering taking a big step, or perhaps you just started seeing one another and aren’t sure if you should stay the course.

　　在走进婚礼殿堂之前，你一定要在内心问问自己以下问题。也许你们已经在一起一段时间，正在考虑使关系更进一步，或者你和他刚刚认识，对于是否停留在现阶段并不确定。

　　Whatever your situation, a check-in is never a bad thing. Read on for 20 tough questions to ask about your relationships before moving forward.

　　不管你处于什么样的状态，在内心深处进行一番审视并非坏事。在准备更进一步之前，以下关于你们感情20个棘手的问题你需要进行仔细思考。

　　1. Is for better or worse making me better or worse?

　　1、会让自己变得更好还是更差?

　　Does your partner encourage you to be your best self, or does he or she get intimidated by any triumphs and feel more secure when you’re not putting your best foot forward?

　　你的伴侣是否鼓励你成为最好的自己，或者他/她对你的成功感到有压力，反而在你不能施展拳脚的时候更有安全感?

　　2. Do we really accept one another?

　　2、我们真的认可对方吗?

　　There will always be things you want to change about the people in your life, but no one should be in a situation where they feel they aren’t allowed to be authentic and accepted as the unique, special (yet flawed) person they are.

　　在你生命中总有一些人你希望能够改变他，然而没有一个人必须理所当然地处于一个让他们感觉到无法成为自我的状态中，他们希望自己能够是独一无二的，特别的，“哪怕有缺陷”。

　　3. Who am I?

　　3、我是谁?

　　How can you know if your partner is a good match if you have no idea who you are?

　　如果连你自己都不够了解自己，那你如何知道你的伴侣能够成为你的好搭档?

　　4. Am I happy to be in this relationship?

　　4、这段感情能让我愉悦吗?

　　The idea of sharing a life together is not to find someone to complete you or make you happy. But let’s face it: being unhappy at home can seep into other areas of your life . . . and fast. If you’re always fighting or just generally not feeling great about your twosome, it doesn’t mean you have to bail out (counseling might be a good option) but marrying someone in the hope that it changes things is a bad, bad idea.

　　找个人分享人生并非是找个人来让你感觉圆满感觉快乐。但让我们面对现实：在家感觉不愉快会迅速影响你生活的其他方面。如果你们经常起争执，或者对你们的二人世界总是感到不满，这并不意味着你需要去将就(心理咨询可能是个不错的选择)，但是渴望通过与某人结婚来改变现状，这是相当糟糕的主意。

　　5. Am I feeling trapped?

　　5、我有受到束缚的感觉吗?

　　Do you really want to be in this relationship the majority of the time or do you find yourself wishing for a way out? Do you stay because you’ve invested time or are you really invested in your mate?

　　绝大多数时候你都愿意身处这段感情中吗，还是说你发现自己希望能够找条出路?你继续这段感情是否因为你觉得自己投入了时间，然而你真的在你伴侣身上投入过吗?

　　6. What am I doing to hold us back?

　　6、我要做什么来维持关系?

　　Maybe you could be more attentive, more thoughtful, quicker to let things go, or the first to bring up going to counseling. Whatever it is, take this as your sign to step up.

　　也许你可以更细致，更周到，更快地让事情过去，或者首次想到去咨询，不管如何，将这作为对你的指示去使其实现。

　　7. Is this relationship balanced?

　　7、这段感情平衡吗?

　　Do you feel you’re both on the same page in terms of compromise, care, support and sacrifice? Or is one of you doing most of the giving while the other just sits with their hand out?

　　你觉得你们在妥协，关心，支持和牺牲等方面都意见一致吗?还是说你们当中某个人一直在付出而另一个人无动于衷?

　　8. Can we have fun together?

　　8、我们可以玩到一起吗?

　　Have you ever seen two people sit across from one another in silence at brunch as though they are being forced to walk through their day together? Not. fun.

　　你可曾见过两个人在早午餐时默默地坐在一起，仿佛他们是被迫待在一起度过一天的时间?没意思。

　　9. Can we have fun apart?

　　9、我们能玩得开心吗?

　　Co-dependency ain’t cute, y’all.

　　你们的互相依赖并不明智。

　　10. Why am I in this relationship?

　　10、我为什么要有这段感情?

　　Is it because you respect, love, trust, and value the person you are with? Or because you’re afraid of being alone, worried about finances, or have built a life you’re scared to leave?

　　是因为你尊重、爱、信任和珍惜你的另一半吗?还是因为你害怕孤单，经济拮据，或者害怕失去你现有的生活?

　　11. Where is this going?

　　11、感情最终会怎样?

　　Living in the "now" is great, but eventually the partnership will need a plan or someone will begin to feel anxious.

　　活在当下是很棒的一件事，但是感情最终需要有个方向，否则有人会开始感到焦虑。

　　12. Do I really trust my partner?

　　12、我真的信任我的伴侣吗?

　　For some, the immediate response to this can be devastating. If you’re one of them, it’s time to ask why and how you can begin to build or rebuild trust. Without it, there’s no chance.

　　对于某些人来说，对此第一反应是震惊的。如果你是其中之一，你应该找找原因并且想想怎样建立或者重建信任。除此之外别无他法。

　　13. Am I with a good person?

　　13、我的伴侣是个好人吗?

　　Knowing what you know about your partner today, would you vouch for them if they were a friend?

　　现在要尽可能多的去了解你的伴侣，如果仅仅是朋友你敢对他/她的人品打包票吗?

　　14. Am I attracted to my partner?

　　14、我被我的伴侣所吸引吗?

　　Physical attraction is hardly the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone who you’re not attracted to — just because it’s comfortable or "perfect on paper" isn’t fair to anyone. You will feel resentful and they will feel rejected.

　　在一段感情中，身体的吸引力几乎不是最重要的因素，但是会让你自己因此与一个并不真正吸引你的人建立一段感情--仅仅因为在一起很舒服或者“看起来很完美”，这对大家都不公平。你会变得很易怒而对方会感到被排斥。

　　15. Am I a parent or a partner?

　　15、我是家长还是伴侣?

　　Taking care of someone you love is a great thing to do, but when you feel like you’re raising a boyfriend — or worse, a husband — things get a little complicated. You’ll resent his childish ways. Who wants to sleep with their mom?

　　照顾你爱的人是件很棒的事情，但是当你感觉到你和你男朋友像你在带小朋友一样 -- 或者更糟的是，他是你丈夫 -- 事情就变得很复杂了。你会对他幼稚的行为感到厌恶。谁想和自己的妈妈睡?

　　16. Does my partner have my back?

　　我的伴侣是我的坚强后盾吗?

　　Do you feel like you’re a part of a loyal team who stands up for one another, supports one another, and shows a united front (even when the other is not around)? Or, do you feel like you’re constantly being thrown under the bus by your mate?

　　你是否感觉到自己身处一个忠诚的团队，彼此成为对方的坚强后盾，互相支持，总是统一而团结(哪怕对方并不在身边)?或者你经常感觉被自己的伴侣所抛弃?

　　17. Are we looking in the same direction?

　　17、我们的目标和方向一致吗?

　　Some couples avoid having the big talks (religion, marriage, babies) because they think that, somehow, these things will just "work themselves out." By the time they realize they won’t, they’re in a complicated, painful situation that leaves one (or both) feeling a little bit duped.

　　有些夫妇拒绝讨论一些重要的问题(宗教、婚姻、孩子)因为他们认为这些事情总会自己得到解决。等他们认识到这些事情并不能自己解决的时候，他们会陷入一种矛盾、痛苦的局面，让自己(或者双方)都感觉受到了欺骗。

　　18. Are we growing together?

　　18、我们是否在一起进步?

　　Being a human being living on this earth, we all have a right to grow and develop, and create a full life for ourselves. Are you and your partner still indulging in your passions (individual and shared) and growing as individuals?

　　人生在世，我们有权利去成长和发展，为我们自己创造完美的人生。你和你的伴侣仍然保持满满的激情(各自或者共同)在进步吗?

　　19. Am I still me?

　　19、我还是我吗?

　　Being in love with someone should not require changing our identity to fit someone else’s idea of who we should be, on any level.

　　和某个人相爱不应该要求自己改变或者去成为别人希望自己成为的人或者去达到别人要求的水准。

　　20. What is my gut telling me?

　　20、直觉告诉我什么?

　　You have intuition for a reason. Listen to yourself.

　　对于一些缘由你一定有所直觉。听从自己的直觉。