什么是心碎?听情感专家告诉你如何修复

　　What is heartbreak?

　　什么是心碎?

　　“Essentially, it is a state of devastating emotional loss,” explains behavioural psychologist and relationship coach, Jo Hemmings. “While different for all of us, the intense feelings of sadness, grief, and the overwhelming sense of never being able to get past the pain, are common.

　　心碎其实就是一种处于情感极度失落的状态， 行为心理学家和两性关系教练海明斯(Jo Hemmings)解释说。"虽然我们大家感觉可能有所不同，但就是强烈的伤心感、悲痛、以及无法超越痛苦的强烈感受。这些都很正常。"

　　“In brain terms, the areas responsible for feeling physical pain ‘light up’ in the same way as if you’re actually in pain. It also triggers withdrawal symptoms very similar to those seen in [drug] addicts.”

　　从大脑术语来说，负责感受身体痛苦的区域会’点亮’，就像你真经历疼痛一样。它还会触发脱瘾症状(withdrawal symptoms,又称戒断症状)，与吸毒者脱瘾症状相似。

　　For me, this felt like a total inner body burn.Managing those withdrawal symptoms is the real struggle. The temptation to get another hit – to call an ex, to plead with them.

　　对我来说，这种感觉就像体内在燃烧一样。要想给这种"情感脱瘾"非常难，因为你可能忍不住要给前任打电话，请求和好。

　　“In emotional terms, a bad break-up will plunge you into the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance,” says Jo.

　　海明斯说，"从情感方面说，痛苦分手可以让你经历5种情感阶段：否认、愤怒、内心挣扎、抑郁以及最后的接受。"

　　How to get over heartbreak

　　如何战胜心碎

　　Managing heartbreak, in my view, is an art. But that doesn’t mean we can’t take anything from science. A number of studies have analysed what really happens, and how we can deal with it.

　　依我之见，怎样调理心碎是一门艺术。但这并不意味着我们不能借鉴科学。一些相关研究分析了到底发生了什么，然后如何去应付?

　　Research recently published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, for example, looked at the effectiveness of three coping strategies: thinking bad things about an ex, owning and accepting your feelings of love for a former partner, and distracting yourself by thinking good thoughts about nothing to do with your ex.

　　最近一份在《实验心理学杂志》(Journal of Experimental Psychology)上发表的研究，分析了3种应对方法的有效性。它们包括：想想前任的缺点、承认和接受你对前伴侣的爱意情感、转移法，即想想那些与你前任没有任何关联的好事。

　　While none were perfect, so a combination of the three seems a good place to start.

　　虽然每一种办法都不尽完美，但结合这三种方法似乎是一个良好开端。

　　Say it with me: ‘Your ex had horrendous morning breath and an unhealthy admiration for the sound of their own voice – gross.’ Then: ‘It’s fine to have loved someone, that’s a good thing – even if you now see that that person is gross’. And finally: ‘Isn’t the weather great at the moment?’

　　跟我一起说："你前任早晨口中气味难闻，他们自以为自己声音动听 - 令人作呕"。然后，你还可以告诉自己，当初你爱某个人(这是好事)，但现在你觉得这个人令你讨厌，这很正常。最后，你可以对自己说："此时此刻，天气不是很好吗?"

　　Dee Holmes, a relationship expert, suggests another good starting point: "Allow yourself some ‘wallow’ time. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to take a day off work.

　　情感专家霍姆斯(Dee Holmes)建议另外一个好主意，允许你自已有一段"沉迷"时间，比如，请一天假。

　　“Talk to your friends and keep a diary of how you feel. But don’t let it dominate your life. And [don’t] make rash decisions. You may think you can’t bear to live in the house without your ex, but actually, once you’ve changed things around and maybe painted the walls, you might feel you can stay.”

　　跟朋友聊聊。用日记的方式记录你的感受。不要急于做决定。你可能觉得无法忍受在没有伴侣的房子中再住下去。但实际上，一旦你把房间里的布局做出一些调整，也许就是刷上新油漆，你是可以留下来的。

　　Jo recommends unfollowing your ex on social media. “Remove or delete anything that triggers painful memories, like photos or texts,” she says. “It sounds brutal, but does actually help with healing.”

　　海明斯建议在社交媒体上跟前任一刀两断，删除任何可能引起你伤心的回忆：相片、短信。虽然这样做显得有点残忍，但它可以帮助修复你心灵创痛。

　　She adds: “Don’t text or call – especially late at night. Draft texts and delete them, or write your feelings down privately. Don’t stalk or check up on them.”

　　另外，不要试图给旧爱发短信或打电话，特别在夜深人静时。你可以打短信草稿，但别发，直接删除。或是一个人把感情写下来，但不要总是查看。

　　And then it’s just a matter of time.

　　最后，就只是时间的问题了。

　　How long does the healing process take?

　　多长时间可以愈合?

　　One study claims it takes around three months (11 weeks to be precise) for a person to feel more positive about their break-up.

　　根据一份研究称，分手后需要3个月(确切说是11个星期)才能让一个人用积极态度来看待分手。

　　Personally, it took me six months before I felt ready to move on. By that point, however, I really was ready. And much to my surprise - and good fortune - the person I found renewed my faith in the power of a meaningful connection. I haven’t shed a tear for my ex since.

　　就我自身而言，用了6个月。6个月后我绝对没问题了。让我惊奇的是，当然也是运气好，我的新伴侣印证了我的信念。我从此再也没有为前男友掉一滴眼泪。

　　Which leads me to conclude with a personal theory: to remember that you are worthy of love. And that in time, it will find you again.

　　因此，我个人的理论和窍门是：记住你是值得爱的。时间一到，爱会再次光顾你。