Essay写作指导

　　写Essay可能是大学申请流程中，最让人头疼的部分了。申请Essay可能是唯一一项学生可以完全自我把控的部分，也是申请流程中最后一个提升机会。到底什么样的文章称得上是一篇优秀的essay？让我们通过两篇范文来进行分析一下！

　　先上范文，解析在最后！

　　题目：Breaking Into Cars

　　来源：约翰霍普金斯大学2019届学生Stephen（CA系统，全文共636词）

　　正文：

　　I had never broken into a car before.

　　以前我从来没有试过“破车而入”。

　　We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

　　当时我们在Laredo，刚刚结束了我们在仁人家园（一个国际慈善组织）工作的第一天。志愿者们已经离开去吃德州烤肉了，只剩下我和一些大学生负责最后的清扫。直到最后我们被困在这的时候，我们才意识到自己被锁在房车外了。

　　Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

　　有人从垃圾箱里捡了一个衣架，递给我，然后后退了几步。

　　“Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?”

　　“你能用那个衣架开锁吗？”

　　“Why me?” I thought.

　　“为什么是我？”我心想。

　　More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window’s seal like I’d seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I’d been in this type of situation before. In fact, I’d been born into this type of situation.

　　与其说是因为乐观，不如说是觉得好玩，反正最后我还是决定尝试下。我把衣架滑到窗户的密封处，就跟我之前从犯罪电视剧里看的一样，然后花了几分钟抖动内部框架周围的装置。突然，两件事情同时响了。一是门锁（我确实成功打开了），另外一个就是我突然意识到我之前遇到过这种情况。事实上，我就是在这样的环境下成长的。（准备引出正文了）

　　My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. “The water’s on fire! Clear a hole!” he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I’m still unconvinced about that particular lesson’s practicality, my Dad’s overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

　　我的成长经历已经使我对不可预知的事和混乱的事麻木了（全文论点）。作为一个有着7个孩子的家庭，我们家充斥着吵闹、混乱和不稳定。兄弟姐妹们在争吵、狗在叫、电话在响……所有这些都是我们家的常态。我的父亲，一名退役海军飞行员，一半时间他都不在家。当他在家的时候，他对我们的管教就如同教官一样。9岁的时候，我学会了如何从水的表面清理燃烧着的油。我父亲认为这是一个非常重要的生存技能——你懂的，以防我的航空母舰被击沉！“水上着火了！迅速清理！”他大喊着，并且没有任何警告地把我扔进湖里。尽管我一直不相信这种特殊训练的实用性，但是事实证明我父亲那些包罗万象的知识是正确的：生活中有太多不可预知的事情，你必须去应对这些波折。

　　Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don’t sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don’t expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

　　在我的家庭里，生活很少会按计划进行。带着一点被忽视，又有一点被逼迫着的感觉，我学会了跟现实打交道，迅速地进行协商，并对不可能的事进行尝试。我不会因为小事而担心，而且我也绝对不会要求完全的公平。试想一下如果你们家的餐厅只有6把椅子但是却有7个人怎么办？某人因此学会了每晚准时的重要性。

　　But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

　　但是比起守时和对抢椅游戏的特殊喜爱，我的家庭生活更多地教给我如何在自己没有能力的情况下生存。成长过程中，我从来没有控制过我的哥哥姐姐们，但是我知道如何打消他们控制我的念头。我跟我的兄弟姐妹们结盟，并在必要的时候更换盟友。有时候，我是弱小、缺乏保护的小弟弟；有时候，我是无所不知的大哥哥。根据环境的要求，对不同的人做不同的事。我学着调整自己。

　　Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: “How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?”

　　那时候，这些技能只是确保我能顺利生存下来的反应而已。但是今年秋天的某一天，我们的校长Dr.Hicks问了我一个问题，这个问题是他希望所有高三的学生这一年都能反思的问题：“在一个不是由我选择员工的公司，我如何参与到一件我没有管理的事情中？”

　　The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

　　这个问题让我措手不及，就像我在Laredo遇到的事情一样。随后，我意识到我知道答案。我知道衣架为什么被扔给了我。

　　Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It’s family. It’s society. And often, it’s chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

　　在我的家庭里，作为一个年纪在中间的孩子，我就是那个没有管理权、对人员没有选择权的公司里里的重要参与者。它是家庭，它也是社会。通常， 场面都是混乱的。你通过不在意细枝末节、不期望秩序和完美以及用自信、乐观和有准备的心态面对未知事情的态度参与其中。我的家庭经历教会我用信心面对一个处处有意外的世界。

　　解析：这篇文章突出在哪？

　　1. 一个开放式的开头吸引人的视线。

　　“I had never broken into a car before.”这段话只有短短的8个字，但是包含了很多重要的信息：场景设置（站在车边准备“破车而入”）传递出了作者想打破壁垒的想法（他可能是第一次做违法的事情），并且还有点令人对故事走向产生好奇。

　　2. 正文部分细节具体，故事性强

　　志愿者去吃“Texas BBQ”而不是dinner或food，从dumpster里找出衣架、以及活动衣架的时候用“jiggles”而不是“move”这些描写都非常具体且生动，再加上内心活动的刻画，使读者更能够想象得出当时的窘境。

　　3. 由一个小意外自然引入更深层次的角度

　　在这篇essay中作者不仅是要描写被锁在车外的经历，更由此凸显出自己经历丰富、应对突发事件能力强的特质，以小见大。

　　4. 用具体的例子来对抽象的观点进行阐释

　　正文的一个重要观点是“My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos.”而unpredictability and chaos是抽象的，所以作者用自己的家庭成长经历来具体表达这一观点。

　　5. 少量幽默和随意的语言让文章更接地气

　　在描写从小父亲对自己特殊的教育方式的时候，作者的语言更加随意幽默还带有一点吐槽。

　　6. 结尾自然地过渡到未来

　　过去的经历、现在的成熟以及清晰的自我认知是所有成功essay都具备的关键要素。作者自然地将自己的成长经历与现在的遭遇以及自己的生活态度联系在了一起，展现出了一个成熟上进有潜力的大学生形象。

　　所以，一篇高质量的essay应该具备的要素到底是什么？我们可以试着总结下：

　　第一，故事性！故事性！故事性！重要的事情说三遍！故事的语言一定要生动自然！

　　第二，脉络一定要清晰，故事的发展走向要自然顺畅，观点明确，例证真实。

　　第三，开头绝杀，正文生动，结尾升华！

　　最后，附赠2篇分别成功被普林斯顿大学和塔夫茨大学录取的学生的范文，大家可以自己分析下。

　　普林斯顿大学：

　　My story is not a story; my story is a fingerprint, both distinctive and exclusive, that makes me unique. My story started in June, 1997, and has taken place primarily in Monroe, Michigan. Sixteen years later, my story, filled with both good and bad times, is about to take transition into a new chapter. But this chapter, like most others, must be read with the context in mind to visualize the whole picture.

　　Coming from a mixed African American-Caucasian background, I grew up near the border of the poverty line, but I tried not to succumb to the societal stereotypes of many other African Americans. I didn’t participate in or promote any heinous or felonious actions; additionally, I made certain that I made education my utmost priority. As of today, my friends find it astonishing that I don’t curse under any circumstances. My father would be glad that I kept up this moral integrity, but sadly he passed away this year in early December. Even though this still fills me with grief and mixed emotions I always try to remember his axiom of “always – keep your head up.” He was a great man, whose words served to support me through the harshest of times.

　　Switching off to a more joyful subject, my years as a 4-Her were very influential in my upbringing. I started off as an 8 year old explorer, with my family already being involved in 4-H, and I am still an active member. Being involved with certain crafts and animal projects, 4-H taught me many skills like: leadership, speechmaking, and perseverance. Most importantly, 4-H gave me the courage to try new things-despite the risks. Without 4-H, I wouldn’t be involved in as many extracurricular activities like quiz bowl, wrestling, Interact Rotary Club, Upward Bound, freshman ignition mentor, and National Honor Society. As a supplement to this, I was also able to do various other programs like: College 101 (U of M), MI HOBY (student leadership) and various other undertakings.

　　Being so involved in many organizations, I saw the plethora of opportunities before me to take some kind of leadership role. Through 4-H, I started off shy and timid, but eventually I was voted in as group treasurer in 2012; the subsequent year (2013) I was group president. For Upward Bond, I strived to be a model participant, and now I’ve been attending the state student leadership conference for two years (our program has only been involved for two years so far). In NHS, I am currently the group treasurer, yet I plan to run for its presidency this upcoming election. At school I am a member of our Student Council, organizing and running various school functions, with aspirations of taking a leadership role in the next academic school year. I choose not to be a class officer for my graduating class simply because I don’t have the spare time.

　　“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain. This quote serves as an overarching guide to how my life has played out. I didn’t exactly grow up dirt poor, but I did mature enough to see that we weren’t fortune 500 either. The world never owed me anything; the world only gave me what I took from it. Nothing was ever given to me, so I have had to work hard and preserve through all of life’s road blocks-no matter how big the challenge was, I always kept my head up. Knowing this, I can accurately see what I need to do in order to get anywhere else in life. The first step, though stupendous and life changing, is to make it to college in order to pursue what I want in life.

　　塔夫茨大学：

　　I have always loved riding in cars. After a long day in first grade, I used to fall asleep to the engine purring in my mother's Honda Odyssey, even though it was only a 5-minute drive home. As I grew, and graduated into the shotgun seat, it became natural and enjoyable to look out the window. Seeing my world passing by through that smudged glass, I would daydream what I could do with it.

　　In elementary school, I already knew my career path: I was going to be Emperor of the World. While I sat in the car and watched the miles pass by, I developed the plan for my empire. I reasoned that, for the world to run smoothly, it would have to look presentable. I would assign people, aptly named Fixer-Uppers, to fix everything that needed fixing. That old man down the street with chipping paint on his house would have a fresh coat in no time. The boy who accidentally tossed his Frisbee onto the roof of the school would get it back. The big pothole on Elm Street that my mother managed to hit every single day on the way to school would be filled-in. It made perfect sense! All the people that didn't have a job could be Fixer-Uppers. I was like a ten-year-old FDR.

　　Seven years down the road, I still take a second glance at the sidewalk cracks and think of my Fixer-Uppers, but now I'm doing so from the driver's seat. As much as I would enjoy it, I now accept that I won't become Emperor of the World, and that the Fixer-Uppers will have to remain in my car ride imaginings. Or do they? I always pictured a Fixer-Upper as a smiling man in an orange T-Shirt. Maybe instead, a Fixer-Upper could be a tall girl with a deep love for Yankee Candles. Maybe it could be me.

　　Bridget the Fixer-Upper will be slightly different than the imaginary one who paints houses and fetches Frisbees. I was lucky enough to discover what I am passionate about when I was a freshman in high school. A self-admitted Phys. Ed. addict, I volunteered to help out with the Adapted PE class. On my first day, I learned that it was for developmentally-disabled students. To be honest, I was really nervous. I hadn't had too much interaction with special needs students before, and wasn't sure how to handle myself around them. Long story short, I got hooked. Three years have passed helping out in APE and eventually becoming a teacher in the Applied Behavior Analysis summer program. I love working with the students and watching them progress.

　　When senior year arrived, college meetings began, and my counselor asked me what I wanted to do for a career, I didn't say Emperor of the World. Instead, I told him I wanted to become a board-certified behavior analyst. A BCBA helps develop learning plans for students with autism and other disabilities. Basically, I would get to do what I love for the rest of my life. He laughed and told me that it was a nice change that a seventeen-year-old knew so specifically what she wanted to do. I smiled, thanked him, and left. But it occurred to me that, while my desired occupation was decided, my true goal in life was still to become a Fixer-Upper. So, maybe I'll be like Sue Storm and her alter-ego, the Invisible Woman. I'll do one thing during the day, then spend my off-hours helping people where I can. Instead of flying like Sue, though, I'll opt for a nice performance automobile. My childhood self would appreciate that.