斯坦福大学教务长：18岁时，你必须具备的技能

　　你有技能吗? Do you have skills?

　　这个问题最初出现在Quora：什么是每个人18岁时需要的技能?Julie Lythcott-Haims，纽约时报畅销书《如何长大成人》的作者，斯坦福大学前教务长，知名播客主持人回答道：This question originally appeared on Quora: What are the skills every 18 year old needs? Answer by Julie Lythcott-Haims, Author of NYT bestseller How to Raise an Adult; former Stanford dean; podcast host.

　　一、18岁时必须能够和陌生人说话

　　教师，院长，顾问，业主，店员，人力资源经理，同事，银行柜员，医疗保险提供者，公交车司机，机械师，现实世界中有各种角色。

　　孩子们依赖的家长：我们教孩子不要和陌生人说话，而不是教给他们从大多数好人以外辨别出几个坏的陌生人所需的细致入微的观察技能。因此，最终孩子们不知道如何接近陌生人-用恭敬地眼神看着对方，寻求他们在这个世界上需要的帮助，指示和引导。

　　1. An 18-year-old must be able to talk to strangers

　　Faculty, deans, advisers, landlords, store clerks, human resource managers, coworkers, bank tellers, health care providers, bus drivers, mechanics—in the real world.

　　The crutch: We teach kids not to talk to strangers instead of teaching the more nuanced skill of how to discern the few bad strangers from the mostly good ones. Thus, kids end up not knowing how to approach strangers—respectfully and with eye contact—for the help, guidance, and direction they will need out in the world.

　　二、18岁时必须能够自己认路

　　孩子的校园，暑期实习所在的小镇，在国外工作或者学习所在的城市。

　　家长：孩子无论去哪我们都开车接送或者陪伴着，哪怕是他们搭公交车，骑自行车，或者走路都能到。因此，孩子不知道从这里到那里的路线，也不知道如何选择合适的交通方式和应付可能的交通混乱，什么时候以及怎样给汽车加油，或如何制定和执行出行计划。

　　2. An 18-year-old must be able to find his or her way around

　　A campus, the town in which her summer internship is located, or the city where he is working or studying abroad.

　　The crutch: We drive or accompany our children everywhere, even when a bus, their bicycle, or their own feet could get them there; thus, kids don’t know the route for getting from here to there, how to cope with transportation options and snafus, when and how to fill the car with gas, or how to make and execute transportation plans.

　　三、18岁时必须能够管理自己的任务，工作和最后期限

　　家长：我们提醒孩子们，他们的家庭作业要交了，是时候该做作业了，有时辅导他们做，有时还帮他们做。因此，没有经常提醒，孩子们就不知道如何分配任务优先级，管理工作量，或满足任务的最后期限。

　　3. An 18-year-old must be able to manage his assignments, workload, and deadlines

　　The crutch: We remind kids when their homework is due and when to do it—sometimes helping them do it, sometimes doing it for them; thus, kids don’t know how to prioritize tasks, manage workload, or meet deadlines, without regular reminders.

　　四、18岁时必须能够对家庭有所贡献，如何顾及自己的需要，尊重他人的需要，以及为了整体利益做好自己分内的事

　　家长：我们不太要求他们帮着做家务，因为清单式的童年在一天中除了学习和课外作业以外，只留下很少的时间。所以，孩子不知道这事。

　　4. An 18-year-old must be able to contribute to the running of a house hold, how to look after their own needs, respect the needs of others, or do their fair share for the good of the whole.

　　The crutch: We don’t ask them to help much around the house because the checklisted childhood leaves little time in the day for anything aside from academic and extra curricular work; thus, kids don’t know.

　　五、18岁时必须能够处理人际关系方面的问题

　　家长：误解一发生，我们就介入，并且抚慰他们受伤的感情。因此，没有我们的干预，孩子们就不知道如何应对和解决冲突。

　　5. An 18-year-old must be able to handle interpersonal problems

　　The crutch: We step in to solve misunderstandings and soothe hurt feelings for them; thus, kids don’t know how to cope with and resolve conflicts without our intervention.

　　六、18岁时必须能够应付起起落落

　　比如课程和作业负担，大学级别的功课，竞争，严酷的老师，老板，等等。

　　家长：一旦事情变得困难，我们就介入-帮着完成任务，延长期限，大人间相互交流解决问题。因此，孩子们不知道，生活中事情并不总会如你所愿，但不管怎样一切总会好起来的。

　　6. An 18-year-old must be able to cope with ups and downs

　　Courses and workloads, college-level work, competition, tough teachers, bosses, and others.

　　The crutch: We step in when things get hard, finish the task, extend the deadline, and talk to the adults; thus, kids don’t know that in the normal course of life things won’t always go their way, and that they’ll be okay regardless.

　　七、18岁时必须能够获得而且管理金钱

　　家长：孩子们并非一直兼职。他们想要或需要什么，就会从我们这得到钱。因此，孩子们没有形成必须完成工作任务的责任心，也没有学会对并不是天生爱他们的老板负责，或者对完成一件事情而付出的代价而心怀谢意，更不会如何管理金钱。

　　7. An 18-year-old must be able to earn and manage money

　　The crutch: They don’t hold part-time jobs; they receive money from us for what ever they want or need; thus, kids don’t develop a sense of responsibility for completing job tasks, accountability to a boss who doesn’t inherently love them, or an appreciation for the cost of things and how to manage money.

　　八、18岁时必须能够承担风险

　　家长：我们已经为他们铺设好了整个路径，避免了所有的缺陷或防止他们磕磕绊绊。因此，孩子们没有形成明智的认知：成功唯一来自尝试和失败，以及失败之后继续的尝试(GRIT)或者出错时厚着脸皮去应对(坚韧)。

　　8. An 18-year-old must be able to take risks

　　The crutch: We’ve laid out their entire path for them and have avoided all pitfalls or prevented all stumbles for them; thus, kids don’t develop the wise understanding that success comes only after trying and failing and trying again (a.k.a. “grit”) or the thick skin (a.k.a. “resilience”) that comes from coping when things have gone wrong.

　　请记住：我们的孩子一定能够做好所有这些事，而不是需要给父母打电话。如果他们给我们打电话问怎么回事，那表明他们没有掌握这些生活技能。

　　Remember: Our kids must be able to do all of these things without resorting to calling a parent on the phone. If they’re calling us to ask how, they do not have the life skill.