5分钟看完WHYSCHOOL文章如何炼成

申请文书中的/Why school/文章无从下笔？

又或是一下笔就开始狠夸学校如何好？

而写完你又觉得，等等，好像不对，

“招生官不是比我更了解自家学校吗？

我为什么还要写？”

 

你落入了一个常见的误区：

把“why school”一类文章的主角

当做了学校，而忽略了自己。

 

今天，我们将通过获得JHU（约翰霍普金斯大学）录取的小朋友写的文章，向你正确示范如何写why school文！

 

- 开头段 -

The air is tainted with unnatural fumes of grease, wood, and burnt electrical tape. Oil slicks stain the floor. Thick wooden shelves sag unnervingly close to buckling under the weight of old house paint and power tools. A workbench lies buried beneath papers, rulers, cans, and metal shards. An uncomfortable growl pours from the water heater.

* 用5个句子构建场景。注意视觉与听觉元素的构建。注意铺天盖地的动词、名词。

 

Most people wouldn’t describe my grimy garage as pleasant, but I love spending my free time here.

* 笔触回到自己身上。

 

It’s where I built a 2 ft trebuchet in sixth grade, a 4 ft trebuchet in seventh grade, and plan to build an 8 ft trebuchet this winter break.

* 不经意冷艳原则：从六年级一直到今天，体现出“持续不断”的要义。注意数字细节。

 

It’s where I built a battlebot and slapped an Arduino microcontroller on top to give it intelligence. Ever since I sat watching jets shake the sky and explosions rock the screen in the movie Iron Man as a stunned sixth grader, I’ve spent weekends experimenting in my garage, trying to learn everything I can about engineering and robotics.

* 注意钢铁侠元素的第一次出现，后文还会出现

- 第二段 -

Sure, outside of my garage I love wildlife and hiking, history, and weird foods. I love classic rock, jazz, and maybe even secretly Katy Perry. Nevertheless, I’ve always had a life plan centered on robotics: go to a great college, learn robotics, build robots, get a Bernese mountain dog, and live happily ever after in a beautiful forest home.

* 作为“人”的一面：除了在车库里动手之外的其它的个人爱好。很多中国同学写“高大上”梦想写上瘾了之后，几乎忘了自己作为人有趣的一面。这个在西方价值观中尤为重要。

- 第三段 -

It seems strange that I’ve committed myself to robotics so easily despite my many interests, but in reality, robotics combines nearly all of them. Computer science, electrical engineering, and mechanical engineering are crucial to the robot, but combine them with biology, astronomy, music, or ecology, and that’s when robotics becomes amazing. I could help the sick with robots that give surgeons more dexterity while operating. I could help the poor with affordable, robot-made products. I could aid the elderly, replace the limbs of wounded warriors, and keep fire fighters from harm’s way, all with robots. Although these robots may not be the crimson and gold Iron Man suit that first got me interested, I love the realistic and heroic possibilities in the field of robotics.

* 此段写明申请者Demonstrated academic interest是什么—喜欢机器人。为什么对机器人情有独钟？一部分是因为可以囊括各个学科知识，一方面对社会有诸多贡献。每个人都会难免写到自己学习**学科的出发点和动机。如果这个段落处理不好的话，很容易让人觉得虚伪。解决的方案 ，就像作者一样，把大而空的梦想，逐条逐条具体化、个人化。钢铁侠元素再度出现——正义的化身。

- 第四段 -

Almost as exciting as imagining the robots I could build, is imagining where I could build them. I could become a professor and research cutting edge A.I. algorithms. I could become an entrepreneur and bring my creations to market. I could even become an employee for a tech company and devote myself to its latest innovations. Maybe next year around this time, I will even be studying on the Freshman Quad. With the LCSR robotics lab, the minor in robotics, a top-notch engineering program, a beautiful campus, incredible seafood, and what the visiting admissions counselor described as a “vibrant a cappella scene,” Johns Hopkins will both make college fun and satisfy my inner nerd. But for now, I will go on working in my garage, competing for space with the family car.

* 换一下角度。假设你也想申请JHU，你会怎么写这个段落？会不会长成这样：“This is the primary reason why I would like to choose JHN. JHU offers the top-notch engineering program that enables me to study cutting-edge courses in the field.”

 

如果跟上段比较，表达内容的似乎是一样的，但是就是达不到效果。问题在什么地方？

 

关键在于主语！范文多以“I”为主语，而你写的段落，则以“School”为主语。看似是一个表达的错位，但背后体现的逻辑却不一样。前者是“我想要这些，你们恰好能给我”，后者则是“你们有这些，恰好满足我需要”。哪个更主动，一目了然。

 

关于学校的生活设施，比如图书馆、校园环境等等，可以提及，但无需大段的铺陈。以前笔者曾读过一篇why school文，作者用了1/3的篇幅在写自己如何喜欢学校的住宿安排，因为他认为作为独生子女，他能在混宿中结交更多的朋友——这并没有错，但是学校自然更希望看到你作为学生一面如何能适应他们的文化。看范文，轻巧地提到了美丽的校园环境、好吃的海鲜，最后落脚点还是自己的学业追求。

-总结-

 

回顾一下why school文章写法的几个关键点：

- 重点在“我”上，而不是“学校”上

- 重点在我的学术兴趣如何与学校吻合，而不是生活方式上的吻合

- 富有人情味，不要忘记自己作为人的特质。（反例是标榜自己为假大空的救世主）

- 注意动词、名词恰当使用的效果

- 注意象征性意向（如本文中的iron man）的使用