父母子女之间的关系应该是什么样？爱的平衡尺

　　Recently my social media account was dominated by a Guangzhou Daily news report titled, "Parents sold house to send only daughter to study abroad, only to be heartbroken when she marries overseas."

　　近期我的社交媒体帐户被广州日报的一条新闻刷屏，其标题是“父母卖房供独生女出国留学，女儿嫁老外后不愿回国”。

　　After reading the news, I could not put it out of my mind for days. The parents in the story remind me of my parents and how selfless they are. They supported my studies in the UK without asking for anything in return. It also makes me think about what a healthy relationship between parents and their children should look like. What pops into my mind is one word: boundaries.

　　看完这则新闻后，它萦绕在我的脑海多日。这个故事中的父母让我想起了自己的父母，他们是多么的无私。他们送我去英国留学，不求任何回报。这也让我思考健康的父母和子女关系应该是什么样的。我脑海中蹦出的一个词是：界线。

　　A lack of boundaries is the key problem behind many family issues, including that of the family in the article. The daughter was the center of the whole family and shouldered all the hopes and dreams that her parents wanted for themselves. When she got into a university in the US, her father reportedly said that she "finally made him proud so that he can hold his head high." Sounds pretty familiar, right?

　　界线不清是很多家庭矛盾背后的主要问题，包括这个新闻中的一家。女儿是全家的中心，承载着她父母的希望和梦想。当她终于能去美国一所大学就读时，据报道她的父亲说女儿“让他非常骄傲，他终于可以扬眉吐气”。这话听起来那么熟悉，是吧?

　　Many Chinese parents have said something similar to their kids. Deep down in their heart, their child is not an independent and complete individual but something that belongs to them or is even part of them.

　　许多中国父母都对他们的孩子说过类似的话。在他们的内心深处，孩子并非是一个独立、完整的个体，而是属于他们的，甚至是他们的一部分。

　　To some extent, sending their child to college is like fulfilling a dream for themselves. So, it’s not hard to understand why some parents would expect their child to live their life the way they, the parents, want.

　　在某种程度上，送孩子念大学就好像实现他们自己的一个梦想。因此，不难理解一些父母期待孩子过上他们自己想要的那种生活。

　　Surely, you would say that every parent loves their kid and wants their company when he or she gets old. I think it is reasonable. Filial piety is a part of the Chinese tradition. However, it cannot be used as an excuse for people to deny their offspring’s right to choose their own life. That is not love. It’s a form of possession in the guise of love.

　　当然，你可能会说，每位父母都爱自己的孩子，老了希望有孩子的陪伴。我觉得这也合乎情理。孝道是中国的传统。不过，这不能作为一个借口去否认孩子自主选择生活的权利。那不是爱，那是在爱的伪装下的占有。

　　I still remember what my mom said when I asked whether she regretted supporting me on a life journey that takes me further and further away from home.

　　我仍然记得，当我问我妈妈她是否后悔支持我的人生旅途离家越来越远，她的回答。

　　She said, "Your happiness and future matter the most. I will be happy for you as long as you are happy yourself."

　　她说，“你的幸福和你的未来才是最重要的。只要你生活得开心，我就是幸福的。”

　　This is what mature and true love is like, and I’m very grateful and lucky to have it and learn from it.

　　这才是成熟的爱，才是真爱。我非常感激、也非常幸运自己能拥有真爱，并能从中学习。

　　Children should be more independent too, both economically and mentally. Spending all your parents’ hard-earned money for higher education is not common in Western countries. Young people should try to be more financially independent and help relieve their parents’ burden by applying for scholarships and doing part-time jobs. Academic pursuits should be your own responsibility, not a burden to your family members. Again, the keyword here is boundaries.

　　孩子也应当更独立，无论是经济上还是心理上。花掉父母辛苦挣来的钱进行高等教育在西方国家并不多见。年轻人应当在经济上更独立，通过申请奖学金和做兼职来减轻父母的负担。学术追求应当是你自己的责任，而不应是你家人的负担。在此重申，关键是界线。

　　Also, living far away from home doesn’t mean that you should ignore your parents. In the context of the Chinese traditional culture and social system, sons and daughters should take care of their elders and are duty-bound to support their parents by law.

　　同样，生活在离家很远的地方并不意味着你要忽视你的父母。在中国传统文化和社会系统里，儿女应当照顾老人，赡养老人是法定的义务。

　　Regular visits and emotional and financial support are the basis for repaying someone who raised you, don’t you think so?

　　常回家看看，给予他们心理上和物质上的支持，是对生养你的人最基本的支持，你觉得呢?

（编辑：何莹莹）